Since made a Mom, I have forgotten my role as a daughter....
I had been harsh to the extent of being cruel when Mom turned to me following her intemperate outburst over Chiew's handling of his daily help issues!! She was piqued that he had slighted her in defense of the helper!!
With two maids running about my brother's bungalow in Selangor, Mom merely tended to the preparation of meals, supervision and delegation of the household chores back then.
It was not until recent months that Chiew ceased to engage any, following the difficulty in the procurement of maids. Instead, he settled for day help since both his children are already in their teens.
But how much can be done by a mere day helper what had taken two maids and Mom to be performing? Hence, Mom soon became the automated appliance multitasking washing and pressing of clothes, preparing meals, maintaining the garden and chauffeuring the kids to schools!
Her spick and span nature worked her to the bones and before long, this wonder machine broke down! So stressed out she was, this 74 year old lady took it out on the poor helper resulting in my brother defending the innocent target! And, so enraged she was, that she left Chiew's home for mine......
I was all too happy to have her, on my terms though.... Mean though I may seem, it's rules I've got to lay all the same. Rule number 1...no entertainment of guests at my home, 2...no interaction with neighbors! I could not risk having the whole neighborhood know even when I last moved my bowel when run out of subjects to share!!
By the third day, she became grumpy. She moaned when I went about my routine for dance classes, yoga, facial and massage sessions! She whinged about not being able to communicate with my Cambodian maid who only speaks Khmer! She raised the roof because the telephone line was down, all through her own doing, we discovered later, as she had had the cable dislodged while engrossed in her frienzied complaints! Hence, instead of offering solace, I hollered at her!!
I was incensed that she, while vowing to leave my brother's household for good, simply could not allow herself to settle with peace in my home, citing boredom having practically nothing to do save for gluing her eyes to the box, engaging in long telephone conversations and out for meals with me!! But aren't those pampering?
Within the week, I sent her packing to where her heart belongs.....with her grandchildren!! I had brushed aside her reluctance to return to my brother as I could not put up with her tantrums.....
However, soon after, a friend's sharing on Facebook had me in tears. It had taken me days trying to retrieve this meaningful message....
"Letter from a Mother to a Daughter" from Facebook page Spring In The Air
My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago.” Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.
When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way. Remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair, and dealing with life’s issues every day.
The day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient, or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.
And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad—just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you, my darling daughter.”
